Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m not a fan of the holiday but I’m happy for anyone who loves it! My night consists of beer, Hulu and my dog.  Have a great night couples and singles!

 

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Mommy and Daddy’s Little Man

My first dabble in the online dating scene came from a free weekend with eHarmony, where I met the trooper.  He seemed like the real deal, stable, cute, kind but oh goodness was I wrong.  I’ve never met a grown man whose parents worshipped him more than this man’s and because of it, he was super narcissistic.  Definitely caught him checking himself out in the mirror as he walked by, several times.  The first time I visited their home with him I walked in and I kid you not, it was COVERED in pictures of him.  Blown up, framed, on every wall, it was creepy.  In their eyes he could do no wrong and they regaled me with stories of how they mistreated teachers that tried to discipline or teach him anything that they thought was unnecessary.

To put it lightly: they were the worst.

Our relationship did not last long, it started out great but quickly declined.  His temper was awful and he actually charged at me at one point.  He never hit me but I do think he has it in him.  One day he came to me and told me that his ex was trying to get in contact with him through a friend.  I told him I was not comfortable with this but if he needed closure I understood.  SO DUMB.  One morning, and this isn’t my proudest moment, I snooped through his phone and found e-mails that he had sent her saying that he was single and he loved her and missed her.  I told him what I had found and we fought and cried, and I decided to give him one more chance.  SO DUMB.  The straw that broke the camel’s back was when my dog was sick and I asked him to watch him for a few hours while I attended a fundraiser.  That was too much for him and he dumped me!  What a loser and what an idiot I was for staying.

Status: Married with a baby.

For my next post let’s tackle a topic that has made females across the world seriously question the opposite sex: unsolicited dick pics.

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Tales of Terror

Before I talk about all of my super amazing internet dates, let me tell you about my super amazing dating history.  I’ll call it my own personal Tale of Terror!  Come away with me…back to a time of heavy eyeliner, black choker necklaces and pac sun clothing….no I’m not talking about 2017, I’m talking about 2004.

Heart break number 1: Senior year of high school I started dating my first love, sure it was puppy love but at the time, to me, it was the real deal.  I had been pining over him since middle school.  He was dreamy, popular, with dark flowy hair and a bit of a skater boy (how cliche).  We went off to college together and I went through some very hard personal troubles and changed.  I wasn’t the happy go lucky girl he had met.  We eventually broke up when he started talking to his ex who he then dated again.  Heartbreak number one…I had never known heartbreak before him, I didn’t have any coping skills, it was rough.  I laid in bed screaming at Heath Ledger in the movie “A Knights Tale”.  My favorite line of the time was “That doesn’t happen in real life!”  More tears, more screams. Status: Engaged

Heart break number 2:  This was my hardest heartbreak, we were going to get married, I moved half way across the country for him.  We had a ring and he was going to propose all until he met a girl at work and left me for her, two weeks before my best friends wedding.  I moved home immediately and started trying to heal. Status: Married

Heart break number 3:  This was one of my worst relationships.  He was controlling and angry and drunk.  He would wake up hungover and pissed off and take it out on me, never physically.  I never knew what version of him I was going to get and if he was in a bad mood….everyone had to be in a bad mood.  It’s hard to see all of the negatives when you are in the relationship trying hard to make it work because your last one failed so miserably.  He broke up with me and got back together with his ex. Status: Married

Heart break number 4: This is where I started to dive into the wonderful world of online dating and met Mr. non-commit.  We dated on and off for over a year but he would never truly commit.  Why I stayed around for so long will never be understood, trust me, scientists have tried.  He was a great guy and started my love of cops.  Status: Engaged

Dated a few guys in between but they were a mess so they will get their own posts!

Heart break number 5: My next cop, I loved him, oh did I love him.  He was never really into the relationship and ended things with me…..by text…while I was at work. The worst!  Status: Engaged less than 8 months after we broke up.

Now you might be thinking….wait a minute…this sounds like a movie…well it is…I’m Good Luck Chuck.  Maybe I can charge for my match making services?  Date me and you’ll find your true love….

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I have a Confession to Make….

Dating is  hard….like really.fucking.hard.  After you sift through all of the fuck boys, dick pics, creepsters, desperate jerks and anger management poster-boys you’re left with emotional messes and guys with baggage that southwest wouldn’t accept.

I have a confession…..are you going to judge me?

I’m 30 and I’m a tinderella.

Good luck to us all….winter is coming and all that jazz.

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